“I can’t see anything down this slipway, it’s pitch black tonight.”

“Well, let’s go down there anyway.”
“Look out, we’re walking into the sea. I’m not gonna do a Reggie Perrin!”
“No, we’re not - look there it is!”
“That’s the public toilets. Let’s just look along here before we give up.”
“Yes, there’s a light! There it is!”
“What, all the way over there?”

This, and much more, was the bumbling progress of Matt and Cat down the starlit promenade at Colwell. Shuffling gingerly along the revetment, they were guided by the welcoming lights of Barefoot on the Beach, Colwell’s latest beachfront venue. This dramatic and satisfying way to arrive made Barefoot seem delightfully remote and exotic - let’s hope it doesn’t get spoilt with garishly illuminated signs and those soppy railings to stop you falling into the sea.

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After another hard day toiling down the corporate salt mine, Matt and Cat were sat in traffic inching their way homewards.

Some might imagine the reviewing duo plotting their next visit to some unwitting restaurant, but nothing could be further from the truth. A typical debate ensued: should they scrape the frost off whatever was in the bottom of the freezer, or stop at the Co-op and play short-dated-stock roulette?

Just then there was a peeping interruption from Cat’s phone. A pal was ringing to see if they’d like to go out for the evening. Go out? For the evening? It seemed the fish fingers were destined to spend another evening buried in Electrolux tundra. Soon the two were standing by the roadside, suited and booted, waiting for a ride to the West Wight. After a sedate drive in a flashy car, the party of three pushed open the exclusive door of The George Hotel, Yarmouth. In the absence of a greeter, they wandered around the historic hotel until they ended up at the restaurant.

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Visit the website: http://thegeorge.co.uk/

Matt and Cat are not morning people, preferring instead to spend their weekends lolling under the duvet for as long as possible.

Pleasant though this is, it can lead to meal synchronisation issues. For when Matt and Cat are eating their breakfast, the rest of the population is gearing up for lunch. By the time M and C are thinking about lunch, it's mid-afternoon and many places have stopped serving. And so, on a sunny Saturday, this tragedy of mis-timing played itself out yet again.

Their chops flapping in the breeze of the car's open windows, Matt and Cat headed purposefully to the West Wight. This time they were going to eat their lunch in a timely manner. But, like a pair of babies shown a particularly enticing rattle, their attention was refocused onto the new and mighty cleft in the Military Road. And, like this picturesque highway, M and C's intentions fell by the wayside.

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Visit the website: http://www.farmhousecreamteas.co.uk/creamteas.htm

Matt and Cat have made several visits to the Island' most westerly café. Read their latest thoughts on the place below. Earlier review and comments follow that.

Having had a successful - and educational - day out at Hampshire's most southerly fortification, Hurst Castle, Matt and Cat decided visit the Island's most westerly fort the following day. Lady Luck was smiling down on the intrepid pair as the kiosk at Alum Bay car park was unstaffed - which meant more money for refreshments.

Although there's no public vehicle access to the Needles Old Battery, the 20-minute walk is mostly on level ground. For those unable to manage the walk, there is also a bus. Matt and Cat's walk to the Battery offered fantastic views of the geological wonder that is the coloured cliffs at Alum Bay and, as it started out as a clear day, they could also see the New Forest and Dorset beyond, and of course Hurst Castle. Rabbits bounded fearlessly about on the chalk grassland, sometimes perilously close to the cliff edge. Above them seagulls and jackdaws soared in the rising thermals.

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Visit the website: http://www.theneedlesbattery.org.uk/

Matt's got a heavy responsibility to shoulder- he's got to do the chip shops, as Cat won't ever go into them - well, hardly ever, anyway. But the problem with this task is that it does limit his access to fish and chip emporia which are not close to his home in East Wight - because a takeaway that's been in the car for half an hour probably isn't going to get a fair review.

So it was with pleasure that Matt recently took the opportunity to taste the wares of the Rainbow Fish Bar, a prominent feature of Freshwater's busy Avenue Road. Working late out west, Matt needed to grab a bite before he went on to a meeting. He could have been sensible, and gone into the Co-op for some healthy wrap and a carton of juice. Or he could have pulled his jacket over his head and marched down Avenue Road clucking like a chicken - it's about as likely. No, friends, it was straight to the chip shop he went.

On arrival there was a very cheerful welcome - and this amiable chat continued as Matt waited for his order. It was early in the evening so the hot cupboards were well stocked with sausages and the like. Pleasingly all the fish was cooked to order and Matt waited whilst his haddock was given the treatment. The Rainbow Fish Bar is a funny little place, a fish bar of the old school; spotless and gleaming, with a phalanx of smartly uniformed servers just itching to dish out fish.

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