I say! You, yes you over there! Read this review, won't you? There's a good chap.

Cowes, in the run-up to Cowes Week, is just like that. Everything is vying for your attention. Nowhere else on the Island can one gain such a concentrated sample of the 'yachty set'. Shouts from the well-heeled ring across the bustling High Street; shops appear suddenly with names like KooBooToo and Yimsy, selling unidentifiable objects at unfathomable prices. Beggars and pedlars appear unaccountably on the streets. Every man is either attired in a football shirt, or deck-shoes and cargo shorts. Every woman has the leathery over-tanned complexion of 'Skullrika' Jonsson, and a massive pair of sunglasses. It's a delightful place to visit - for mainlanders, obviously, but also for Islanders. Matt and Cat love to go and bask in the Cowes summer atmosphere. It's like a little world of its own, even if the town falls over itself to reinforce its own stereotypes.

So, this week M & C were in Cowes on the way to an evening appointment and enjoying the Cowes Week ambience. With only a short time to eat, they reluctantly decided against old favourite the Red Duster - that needs time to fully appreciate. On the way up the hill they spotted Corries Cabin - the original fish and chip shop which spawned a namesake in Ryde that Matt is quite partial to. Usually it's the welcome job of Matt and his lads to sort out the chip shops - Cat is not too keen on them. But Corries Cabin in Cowes looked so tempting that before she knew it, the Cat had been shooed inside and shown into a chair by her eager consort.

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Visit the website: http://www.facebook.com/CorriesCowes

Matt's got a heavy responsibility to shoulder- he's got to do the chip shops, as Cat won't ever go into them - well, hardly ever, anyway. But the problem with this task is that it does limit his access to fish and chip emporia which are not close to his home in East Wight - because a takeaway that's been in the car for half an hour probably isn't going to get a fair review.

So it was with pleasure that Matt recently took the opportunity to taste the wares of the Rainbow Fish Bar, a prominent feature of Freshwater's busy Avenue Road. Working late out west, Matt needed to grab a bite before he went on to a meeting. He could have been sensible, and gone into the Co-op for some healthy wrap and a carton of juice. Or he could have pulled his jacket over his head and marched down Avenue Road clucking like a chicken - it's about as likely. No, friends, it was straight to the chip shop he went.

On arrival there was a very cheerful welcome - and this amiable chat continued as Matt waited for his order. It was early in the evening so the hot cupboards were well stocked with sausages and the like. Pleasingly all the fish was cooked to order and Matt waited whilst his haddock was given the treatment. The Rainbow Fish Bar is a funny little place, a fish bar of the old school; spotless and gleaming, with a phalanx of smartly uniformed servers just itching to dish out fish.

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Fish and chips, unlike revenge, is not a dish best served cold. In fact, cold chips, unlike cold pizza, is a meal fit only for seagulls. For this reason, Matt rarely gets to sample fish and chip takeaways unless they are quite close to his home town of Ryde, and he can take the food home to eat before it congeals.

So die-hard Matt and Cat aficionados will be interested to note that this time he's ventured beyond the Island's north-east quarter, as far as southerly Ventnor. And if you think that's surprising enough, you haven't heard the half of it. This time, his trusty fish-and-chip-eating companions Bill and Jack were not accompanying him, nor was he alone. Yes, friends, it's finally happened, Cat has been into a fish and chip shop.

M & C were staying in Ventnor and, in need of a quick meal, decided to make for the nearest takeaway. When this turned out to be the popular and highly-recommended Ocean View, perched high above the town on the edge of Lowtherville, Cat - normally reluctant to consider chip shops as a source of food - showed no sign of wavering in her determination to get a hot dinner, and so into the bright little shop the duo went.

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The famously mis-spelt Long John Eater has spawned a sidekick - and Ryde Esplanade has gained another fish and chip counter.

The Little John Eater is more than a counter opening onto the esplanade - but not a great deal more. For sit-down meals there's the Long John next door, but this new place is obviously intended to soak up some passing trade on that crucial junction at the bottom of Union Street. At such high-exposure locations the temptation must surely be to sell poor quality food in high volumes. Certainly other chip shops in comparable places seem to do this and little else. After all, if your visitors are all day-trippers who might not return for another year, if at all, is there any incentive to cook decent fare?

Because of this effect, Matt and Cat have a rule of thumb about fish and chip quality and proximity to the seaside. In their review of Alexander's (another Ryde chip shop) they posited: "it seems to be a general truism that to get the best chips, you must simply turn your back on the coast and head inland." So by that prediction, the Little John Eater should be pretty grim. But oddly enough, it isn't. In fact, it's not too bad at all. Matt took his fish-and-chip-reviewing buddies, Bill and Jack, down to the new place to try it out - and they were pleasantly surprised.

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The Loaves and Fishes is now closed.

Matt and Cat have a good friend from the West Wight who's a bit of a bon viveur, and who enjoys exchanging notes with them on the latest Island eateries, preferably over a glass of some appropriate quaffage.

Over the years they've discovered a remarkable congruence; the more he denounces a place, the more M and C love it. It never fails. So when, during a recent encounter, the fine fellow hastened to pour the most extravagant scorn on Godshill's Loaves and Fishes restaurant Matt and Cat knew that they had to try it. Read on to see if the magic worked this time!

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