A pensioner, a teenager and a toddler walk into a pub and demand lunch. As much as this may sound like the beginning of a joke it is, in fact, a scenario played out every Sunday at Ryde's Ponda Rosa. And, unlike some venues which choose to make things a bit awkward for the old and partially deaf by playing conversation-squelchingly loud music, or being ill-equipped to accommodate the extremely young who need their own tiny thrones, the Ponda Rosa welcomes all comers.
This was certainly the experience of Matt and Cat one drizzly summer Sunday. Having built up an appetite whooshing down Union Street on the fabulousness that was Ryde Slide, Cat, with Matt and her octogenarian father in tow, left the hubbub of Ryde Leisure Strip and headed to the town's deep south and the mock-Tyrolean roadhouse the Ponda Rosa.
Archive review: this pop-up is now closed.
Street food, the sort of nosh that you buy from a hatch in a wagon, is so popular that now they're opening restaurants dedicated to it. No, seriously. And, to prove that it's not all fuddy-duddies in faded red trews, the poshest town on the Isle of Wight has a trendsetting bijou pop-up street food parlour right on its high street.
Burrgrills has restaurant prices but it does takeaway, so if you want to stuff your face standing in the street you can. In fact, the venue is so tiny you might have to. But if you can get to sit down at one of those pastel-painted tables inside you should. This is one of the most exciting new things to happen to Isle of Wight food for quite a while.
Matt and Cat don't half bang on about it but for them a significant part of the Island's charm is the steadfast way it refuses to move with the times.
Yes, it is home to some top tech companies, future energy factories and even the electric bicycle has made its way over the Solent. However, there are plenty of places that just shrug their shoulders and give a nonchalant 'meh' to anything new fangled. Including the term 'meh'.
Take Rylstone Gardens. This pretty park at the top of Shanklin Chine has seen its fortunes rise and fall. Alas now the aviary has been decommissioned and the chalet is all but a ruin. However, the toilets remain open and so too do the crazy golf and the tea garden. Which is where Matt and Cat headed after a quick spot of geocaching.
Before they could have lunch, there was the important business of establishing who would pay for it. And, what fairer way to decide than with a game of skill and dexterity? Putters and score cards in hand, Matt and Cat headed to the links for a game of crazy golf; loser buys lunch.
It's a 'hotly' contested accolade; the Isle of Wight declares itself the Sunniest Place in Britain™, despite some vigorous but unsuccessful chest-beating from Eastbourne.
An old sun recording machine from Shanklin is in Matt's possession and, although the natural light in his humble dwelling never troubles its sensitive needle, he is proud to own such an important instrument.
So, if the sunniest place is not Matt's bedroom, then where is it? Well, with midsummer practically upon us then, to get the best out of the longest day you need to head to the Island's western shore. Yes, you could sit at the top of Headon Warren and watch the sun go down over Dorset and very nice that would be too. Or, if you were feeling flush, you could do as Matt and Cat did, and sit on the deck of The Hut at Colwell raising a glass to the sun as it casts its light and warmth across the western Solent.
For a coastal county, the Island has a surprisingly low number of eateries right on the beach. Sandown and Shanklin can probably jointly claim the crown for quantity, and Ventnor does pretty well, although there is a road between most of its cafés and its picturesque bay. But from V-Town right round to the Boathouse at Fort Victoria, you'd be hard-pressed to find more than a handful of shoreside restaurants. However, The Hut at Colwell is one such, with an envious position right on the beach.
Island roads are different, so the apologetic sign once declared to visitors disembarking from the ferry. They sure are.
Some Isle of Wight roads are in a deplorable state; Cat's car recently sustained enough damage to require the replacement of two wheels and a hubcap as she inadvertently drove through a pothole in the West Wight. Conversely, in Ryde the streets are all shiny and new - really, really new - rapidly resurfaced in time for the first leg of the Pearl Izumi Tour Series cycle event.
In due course we are assured that all of the rotten roads will have been given a Ryde street-style makeover. For example, throughout the first half of 2015 the navvies at Island Roads were busy reconstructing the main road through Arreton. And the engineers were not just undertaking the lipstick-on-a-pig model of road repairs, but full blown reconstruction - in a Michael Jackson's face kind of way.
This sort of major construction work can't really go ahead without some disruption, but how much impact did it have on the local businesses? Matt and Cat headed to the valley to find out.