Matt and Cat aren’t paid to review eateries; they don’t get their meals for free and never announce their arrival to a venue prior to sitting down to eat.

Having chosen this hobby they are happy to bear the brunt of any expense that occurs. But some places are more expensive than others, and usually - although not always - these are the really nice ones. Matt and Cat have to ration themselves, so they were pleased when they had amassed enough dough to review another top-rank place.

Having eviscerated the Matt and Cat piggy bank, your reviewers booked a table at that exclusive celebrity retreat the Priory Bay Hotel to round off what had been a fabulous Bank Holiday weekend. This historic venue had been on Matt and Cat’s ‘must do’ list for simply ages and they were delighted to finally make their way up the long drive to the impressive hotel in its glorious setting.

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According to its website, over a thousand years of history have created a unique atmosphere and architectural legacy at the Priory. Walking through the hotel’s spectacular portal under the scrutiny of stone faces carved in the fourteenth century, Matt and Cat were soon greeted and shown to the Island Room. Their table had a stunning view of the garden and the fading sun over the eastern Solent. As night fell, the reflection of the twinkling candles lit the Regency murals around the room. If this wasn’t one of the most romantic and atmospheric dining rooms on the Island, then M&C would like to see a better one. It was an exceptionally promising start.

As the boat was being well and truly pushed out, Matt and Cat chose the restaurant’s most expensive option: the six course tasting menu at £49 per head. They’ve enjoyed this device in several venues as it gives the diner the opportunity to experience the best a chef has to offer - usually with a witty twist, and sometimes with accompanying curated wines. Matt chose to have his dinner with wines. Cat piously sipped tap water.

After a suitable pause and some more gazing out into the gloaming, the first of the wines arrived. A glass of dry sherry “to get your tastebuds going”, the sommelier murmured with a smile. This was a great preamble to the meal, and Matt and Cat were getting a really good feeling about the forthcoming six courses.

They had a bit of a surprise when the amuse bouche - 'chef’s seasonal creation' - arrived. The first delivery from the kitchen is an important one in any meal, and that initial impression makes a significant impact. In this case, the impact of this beige-coloured fare wasn’t a particularly good one. The amuse bouche looked like a tiny biscuit with a squeeze of unadorned paste on it. The biscuit turned out to be a bit of fried bread, and the topping was celeriac with something vaguely blue-cheesy. La bouche may have been titillated but les yeux were unamused.

Next up were scallops with cassoulet of squid and chorizo. An excellent 2007 Australian Riesling was a well-chosen accompaniment. This high-class sausage and beans combo with scallops tasted far more interesting than the first course, with a range of flavours and textures - although visually it was all still a bit uniform.

Galantine of local game birds was to follow, and yes, it was brown and cream, albeit with a coy green hint of Priory garden leeks peeping out from underneath. Cat, suspecting chicken, made enquiries of the waiter about the contents of the dish. He gave one of those rabbit-in-headlights looks before rummaging in the menu to deliver the succinct and not particularly informative, "it was birds". He then departed to find a senior colleague who was able to give a full account of the extremely local pheasant, which he confirmed had indeed been supplemented with chicken - one hopes they don’t shoot poultry as game in Seaview, but you never know.

The seafood theme then continued with a fillet of sea bream on cauliflower risotto, with veloute of clam and saffron and what the menu rather intriguingly called 'Priory garden card' - which proved to be chard. The gaping clam perched cheekily on the top of the bream was notable as the only example of either wit or garnish in the entire meal; and although once more the dish had good flavours, it was only the clean saffron-yellow of the veloute that saved it from being as visually homogeneous as its predecessors.

The pace of the dinner was excellent; the staff delivered the courses and cleared the plates with immaculate timing. The crockery was heavy-duty and utilitarian - no informal wooden platters, cheeky asymmetric bowls or artistic slate plates here. Alas Cat had her back to the vast dining room and was unable to gaze admiringly on the impressive murals. However, both she and Matt were able to hear the conversations of their fellows, including some rather riotous children at the neighbouring table whose parents were trying unsuccessfully to keep them amused with talk of differentiation and calculus. Above the kiddie cacophony they could hear the droning of a braggart on another table: "If I could, I’d go skiing every year at Christmas", "Why don't you then?", came the clearly exasperated reply.

The centrepiece of the tasting menu had made Cat determined to try it: fillet of Island beef. It put your reviewers in mind of a dish with similar aspirations that Matt had once eaten at the Red Duster, Cowes - and raved about. The Priory fillet was decent enough, with enjoyable accompaniments. The difference from the Red Duster beef was subtle but significant. In Cowes, the meal looked like a classic roast beef dinner, but upon cutting into it, turned out to be far more interesting, with unexpected treats of both flavour and texture. Here at the Priory, by contrast, the dish looked like a classic roast beef dinner - and that’s what it was. Matt and Cat enjoyed the fillet and its accompanying pile of dollshouse vegetables, but felt as though an opportunity had been missed. Although it’s fair to say that marks were reclaimed once more by the wine pairing - a rich, smoky South African red, introduced as a ‘new world/old world cross-over’ which Matt said appreciatively smelled like “the lower decks of HMS Victory”.

To finish, the tasting menu had promised chocolate praline finger. Alas, this wasn’t available so the kitchen made a late substitution - chocolate fondant. Maybe this last-minute variation was a good thing, as it was by far the most fun course of the evening: all artful swirls and chocolate crumbs surrounding a piping-hot and supremely chocolaty pudding. It was delicious, and well-received by the replete diners - especially with the glass of Frangelico that finished the wine flight. An option of cheese and biscuits (at extra cost) was declined, and Matt and Cat retreated to the cavernous lounge to enjoy coffee and home-made petits fours. They asked for decaffeinated coffee and were very pleased to get filter - it's surprising how often a request for decaf produces instant coffee, and gratifying when it doesn't.

Then the bill. Now, regular readers may recall that a few weeks ago Matt and Cat took to task the humble Asia Fusion buffet in Lake Working Men’s Club. Their offence? Adding a 10% service charge to the (modest) bill. So, if Asia Fusion were censured for this, one cannot expect the Priory to get away scot free when they add 12.5%. Given the substantial bill in the first instance, this extra charge brought the cost of the meal up to a whopping £142 - by a long way the most expensive meal that M&C have ever eaten. The service was good, and without a doubt your reviewers would have been happy to leave a tip at the Priory. But to add it on by default - and at 12.5% as well - is a disagreeable practice. Matt and Cat most sincerely hope it does not become established. Perhaps if more guests were to leave tips voluntarily when good service merits it, the spread of mandatory tipping might be resisted somewhat.

As Matt and Cat wandered back to their car through the dark summer night, they watched the lights of distant shipping on the Solent, and bathed in the peaceful stillness of this exclusive retreat. They enjoyed their evening, and appreciated the friendly and competent service. But they found their meal to be an experience less than the sum of its parts. Missing was that moment of revelation where gasps of intrigue come from the table, and diners speculate on what the food is, or exclaim when they eat it. The meal satisfied the tongue, but didn’t stimulate the imagination. And when dining at this level - and at this cost - one should not be afraid to expect to come away amazed and intrigued.

Matt and Cat recommend the Priory as a classy and enjoyable place to dine. It also looks like a great place to stay, with clear strengths in the quality of the venue and service. But to hold the Priory’s place in the top rank of Island restaurants, the kitchen is going to have to draw in a collective deep breath and put their obvious skills - plus a spoonful of passion - towards a bolder and more imaginative menu.

Visit the website: http://www.priorybay.com/