There may be some who wonder how a Matt and Cat review is conducted. Are you haunted by thoughts of an obese couple shuffling around the Island’s chip shops in stained velour tracksuits and Crocs for their ever-widening feet?

Or do you fantasise about a glamorous pair of urbane sophisticates, rolling up to a venue in a safari suit (Matt) and this season’s harem pants and a bolero jacket (Cat), tipping the Maitre d’ for the seat by the orchestra? Alas, those fantastic bubbles must be popped; the truth is often far more pedestrian. Mostly Matt and Cat conduct reviews in their overalls having come straight from the assembly line, hair uncombed since earlier that morning.

Other times, like their recent visit to the Seaview Hotel, they are in their civvies and accompanied. Anyone keeping an eye out for a brace of reviewers may not consider that they would be amongst the vast party that descended on that award-winning restaurant one summer’s lunchtime. Concealed among the gaggle, whose ages ranged from the under eights to the over eighties, Matt and Cat went about their business. How would the hotel cope with the stress test of such a big and diverse party at the height of the season?

Review continues:

The Seaview Hotel is a labyrinthine place, the inner recesses of which Matt and Cat explored on a winter’s evening back in 2008, finding its food to be very favourable. This time, they tried the restaurant. However, they chose not to enjoy the luxury of the white linen and stem glasses treatment as granny had pre-emptively, and wisely, suggested to the hotel that breakables be removed from the tables. The Seaview proved to be impressively flexible; the request was accommodated, along with permission to shunt the tables into a suitable configuration for the group to sit round.

Corralling the orders for fifteen people with wildly divergent appetites and dietary needs could have been quite troublesome. However, the Seaview Hotel encouraged the group to order at the bar, which they did in their various subsets, making ordering and paying for meals a simple and relatively speedy process. This did mean that the food, having been ordered on up to half a dozen tabs, came out intermittently; some were mopping up the last of their moules' juices while others were still waiting patiently for sight of their nammit.

Having not long had her breakfast, Cat chose a starter of field mushroom, goats cheese and spinach on toast. This modest dish was nicely presented; a big flat ‘shroom on its bed of oiled toast wore a goats cheese beret, the crusty ring of which had been kissed by the chef’s blowtorch. A pile of wilted spinach finished of the creation. It was very tasty and the greens were particularly delightful.

Matt ordered that trusty stalwart, burger and chips - described by the Seaview as 'home-made beef burger with bacon and cheese served with chips and IOW tomato relish'. This proved to be an accurate description of a really impressive meal. The bun turned out to be a toasted brioche, dripping with tangy cheese; and the relish was an especial delight, tasting fresh and tart, like a good tomato, rather than insipid and sweetly icky as far too many relishes are. The burger certainly was home-made, and featured onion and pepper as well as plenty of meat. It was maybe a little too dry to be perfect, but the excellent chips soon took Matt's mind off that and he was pleased to dig in.

Junior reviewers Bill and Jack were amongst the party, and taking their duties seriously as ever reported favourably on both the aforementioned moules; and honey-roasted ham, fried egg and chips. The moules in particular came in for praise from shellfish aficionado Bill, who was delighted with the soft molluscs and the fresh-tasting, subtle creamy sauce that complemented them, rather than drowning them in garlic as is often the way. Jack had rather daringly ordered from the kids menu, despite being more than old enough to go for the full monty. He was not disappointed, as Seaview Hotel kid's meals appear to be pretty substantial and every bit as well-crafted as the adult ones.

The afternoon having worn on a little, many of the lunching guests in the hotel had departed, leaving the roadside terrace free. The party decamped outside where almost everyone partook in a variety of lovely-looking homemade puddings. Matt and Cat’s mainland friends were impressed with the award-winning Minghella ice creams, a tasting selection of which was daintily presented in little cones. The adults sat around chatting lazily whilst the younger kids trotted about and played. It had all gone rather well.

The Seaview Hotel did a pretty good job of working around this large and diverse group. They were very busy, but managed to gracefully accommodate what must have been quite a challenge. The venue was clean and well-appointed, and if it was a bit cramped moving around the place that is just a feature of this characterful old building. The food itself was reasonable value for money and unfailingly good. It's no surprise under the circumstances that there were a couple of hiccups along the way with the service: not everything came at the time expected, and occasionally cutlery or drinks were short, but the staff were unfailingly cheery and obliging throughout.

So Matt and Cat and party had a most enjoyable lunchtime. M & C will doubtless return to the Seaview Hotel, perhaps with fewer companions, to explore the menu a bit further.

See 2008 review here

Visit the website: http://www.seaviewhotel.co.uk/